Showing posts with label leave the parents alone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label leave the parents alone. Show all posts

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Dear media: it's not the parents who are obsessed w/ genitals and gender.. it's YOU

I am getting pretty sick and tired of the media attacking the Toronto family who hid their child's gender. (somehow this has morphed into them raising the kids to be genderless, as if they frown on them identifying as a gender, which is freakishly untrue if ppl bothered to read the original Star article, which btw is the only source for this since THEY ARE NOT GIVING INTERVIEWS)

I hate that the whole world has picked it up and somehow are blaming the PARENTS for them picking it up and being jerks about it -_-;; Now the media is like rapists is like animals apparently -_-;; NOBODY CAN HELP THEMSELVES! IT'S UP TO YOU TO RUN AND HIDE!

I dun think when the parents talked to the Star (the paper local to where they lived) they expected it to turn into this thing. Maybe that was naive, but it's still on the rest of the media and us who READ the media to not be jerks about it >:\ Like it's on bullies not to bully, not ppl to avoid bullying >:| They aren't seeking their 15 minutes of fame (as I said, they're refusing all interviews now), I suspect they just thought that it would help ppl to know of a different way of parenting (which I agree, and I think they are super brave and awesome for doing this, it gave me hope for the future :) and I know SO MANY ppl who think this is awesome too :) ) and somehow it's become this b-s firestorm.

This article in particular pisses me off

For 2 big reasons...

It should take people about 30 seconds to figure out the fallacy here: If you keep the sex of a child secret, you are making it the most important thing about that child, not the least.

Witness the online poll that asked if readers think little Storm is a boy or girl. Last time I looked, more than 4,000 had voted, and an overwhelming percentage – 81 per cent – think Storm is a boy. Storm is now the only infant in Canada with apparently “unambiguous” genitalia whose sex is being voted on by the general public. If I were the child’s parents, I would not feel comfortable about that. Nor would I be about a Today show poll in which, out of 52,000 respondents, 89 per cent gave a thumbs-down to this social experiment.


And online polls just.... grow out of trees? -_-;; Ppl voting in online polls have no choice but to do so? THE PARENTS did not make this into a big deal, YOU DID! The PARENTS are not fascinated w/ what's between a child's legs... YOU ARE

This is the same bullshit trans ppl have to deal w/ and intersex ppl (like Caster Semenya when she was the spotlight of gender probing media), that b/c our bodies are different or perceived/imagined to be different, the whole world thinks that our biology is their f-ing business, and that our genitals and medical condition is their business >:o Do ppl regularly think that whether their neighbours have erectile dysfunction, how much viagra they take, if they have hemorrhoids or cancer, or had an organ donation is their business? Would they feel comfortable just walking up to somebody and asking? Or speculating about it in public? Because we get this s- ALL THE TIME, ppl just feel like our bodies are their business. It's not the parents who did this, it's our society, and our society ideas about ppl whose gender or gender identity dun meet what ppl are used to, and how open to public scrutiny ppl believe we are and sould be >:O

Nobody is forcing ppl to be obsessed with this. It's not "natural" (tho I'm sure some pop evo psych will come up w/ some reason why back in the cave days ppl amused themselves by snickering at Angler fish or something), it's what ppl choose to be obsessed about and be jerks about and society and the media is encouraging them and shifting blame from nosy jerks to the family "OH THEY ASKED FOR THIS!", look even if they DID, they aren't NOW! They've even SAID to leave them alone. So um... now they're asking for you to leave them alone? Will you? (and dun give me the WELL OTHER PPL ARE JERKS I CAN'T CONTROL WHAT THEY DO, you can control what YOU do)

>:O

“... In not telling the gender of my precious baby, I am saying to the world, ‘Please can you just let Storm discover for him/herself what s(he) wants to be?!.” Ms. Witterick wrote in an e-mail to the Star.

Is this remotely realistic? By not identifying the baby as a boy or girl, the parents have given him/her no starting place from which to build a secure sexual and gender identity. Moreover, identifying as a girl when you are a boy or vice versa is not a decision enabled by parents. Feeling trapped in an opposite-sex body can be an excruciating process. Kids don't “choose” it, and some have killed themselves because of it.


That's the other thing that pisses me off. That's also the thing that confuses the F- out of me. Every trans person I know (and I can't speak for EVERY trans person, but of the ones I know) thinks this is a good idea, and yeah, it's obv self interest, but so many of us wish we had this freedom as a child too! D: Closed minded ppl who hate this have NO IDEA, they have NO IDEA what it's like to grow up w/ a gender alrdy assigned to you pushed on you and everything that you are gets defined by that.

I've read SO MUCH stuff from columnists recently throwing up their hands and claiming "oh no, not me! I know I raise my child with gender but I never told them what gender to be!" Except you DO! It's subtle sometimes as well as direct. Nobody thinks of it b/c cisgenderedness is the NORM, it's DEFAULT, we dun THINK ABOUT IT >:O As the parents in the original Star article said, the flood of pink and blue starts the 2nd ppl know the gender of your child: the toys they choose to give, even the adjectives they use (strong vs pretty, big vs cute, "big, strong boy" "pretty, cute girl", applauding boys for growing, applauding girls for being thin, etc etc)

And the other thing is: you can claim all you want that you never actively told your kid that they HAD to be their gender or else, my parents didn't either, but I WAS A KID! How the hell was I supposed to know there was an option!? (I know some ppl express it very early on in their childhood, but others keep quiet, or just have no idea that there is another option) When I used to say I wanted to be a girl, or wanted to play w/ like dolls (not that dolls = girl, I know it's confusing and ppl want to hear what they want to hear, but I happen to be kinda stereotypical in the things I like, and also the ones that weren't allowed to me are the ones that obv stick out, I like superheroes too, that was never a problem, but I'm talking about BOTH gender identity AND individual preference, at the same time, but I'm not conflating them), I got told they're not for me, and silly kid, you're not a girl! -_-;; And I got beaten up at school and bullied and spat at and ppl throwing things at me to make me cry, b/c I was the "boy" that cried and hung around girls... so I had no starting point or safe place in my life to figure out what gender I was, much less who I wanted to be, what interests I liked (I always had sports forced into me, and esp older, where changing in male lockerrooms was one of the most terrifying exp of my youth... imagine a girl being forced to be in a guy's lockerroom every day)...

It's not about saying "go pick your gender", it's about giving the child freedom to figure out who they are! >:O The parents aren't FORCING their kids to be trans, or not trans, or choosing the identity for the kid (for that matter the parents are not AGAINST stereotypical gendered behaviour EITHER, they're against picking that for the child when they're 1 years old and are malleable and conditioning them that they should like it >:O ) they are letting the kids find themselves! And I literally want to cry at how AWESOME THAT IS!

And btw, some ppl DO choose their gender, or have no gender, or move between genders, whether gender identity is a choice for everybody doesn't mean that it should not be respected and that it's not REAL for some of us, and that for those who are genderqueer or have other gender identities, or shift identities, who cares whether it's genetic, or innate, it's reality, and it's HUMAN BEINGS who feel this way, and what skin is it off nebody's back to us leave us the f- alone to be ourselves!?

And yeah it's self interest for those of us who didn't grow up fine w/ sticking to the gender binary, but I know a ton of cis ppl who also think that the parents are not harming their child :) I mean if cissexual gender identity or gender stereotypes are SO INNATE and SO pure and so natural like all these critics of the parents are saying, then what is the fear? Even if you tell a cis boy that they can be whoever they like, they'll still end up being a boy and identifying as a boy (and if they like trucks, they'll end up playing with trucks, and if they like baseball, they'll play baseball).

It's like the Christian homophobes who go on and on about how you can't change nature and everybody is straight and blah blah blah, but then talk about how schools teaching queer acceptance is turning kids gay. xD Or all the fear about "OH MY GOD BOYS ARE BEING FEMINIZED NOW" and how boys need to be taught to be rough and tumble in schools, and have to be taught math, not English (or English, not math, depending on which gender stereotype person is talking xD ) and they need discipline (or freedom) and play more sports (or less sports and more rote training) and how WE ARE FEMINIZING THEIR NATURAL BOY MASCULINE NATURE! And that we NEED TO FORCE CHECKING IN BOYS HOCKEY OR THEY WILL BECOME GIRLS (e_e)

If these things are SO NATURAL, why does it sound like in order to get ppl to be in their "natural" state we need to basically condition them and that giving them freedom to find themselves will lead them to be "unnatural"? o_O;; That's very natural >_>;;; And if it IS natural, then YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE SCARED ABOUT!

AUGH

And I'm rly offended by the Globe and Mail hiding behind trans ppl and our high suicide rate and claiming they are somehow protecting us, or that the parents are somehow insulting us. >:O Hay f-ing cis ppl, let US SPEAK FOR OURSELVES OKAY!?

And at least THIS trans girl thinks that what these parents are doing is f-ing AWESOME and you need to shove your fears and trans ignorance and cis privilege up your cat hole! >:O WTF is it YOUR business what genitals their children have?

I think this whole thing proves just how it's CIS society that's obsessed with genitals, not trans ppl. It's CIS society that always goes on and on about GRS w/ trans ppl as if it's the end all and be all of our transition. It's cis society that was obsessed with Caster Semenya's genitals. And it's cis society now that's obsessed with what gender Storm is, not trans ppl, not zir parents, not even STORM... it's the media, and it's all the idiots in the comments in the newspapers >:O You know what makes one obsessed with their genitals? When they are forced to identify as a gender they don't, when they grow up taught by ppl they trust and love, that they're who they're not, and struggle their whole lives to figure out who they are in a society and media that in general (tho thankfully that might be changing, and I hope it changes more and more) doesn't PROVIDE THEM WITH A NARRATIVE that they can be who they are! >:O

When I was depressed, suicidal and repressing so much, THEN I was obsessed with gender and genitals. And I hated myself and tried every day to fit a gender stereotype, more and more, to "pass" as "male", worried about how I sat and how I talked and seeing myself in the third person in my head... I was KEENLY aware of my gender. Now, I dun obsess about or think of my gender identity or expression (tho obv I do experiment and grow and change, as nebody else does :) ) I know who I am. I'm a girl, and I am awesome >:D (other ppl however are the ones obsessed w/ that stuff about me >_< )

The media and columnists and commenters that all are talking about how the parents are focusing on gender, or forcing their kid to, um NO, YOU are, it's YOU, you're projecting! It's YOU who is obsessed w/ their gender, simply by having polls, voting on polls and writing all these articles. YOU'RE THE ONES.

So quit it! >:O If the world is going to make life difficult on Jazz and his siblings, it's cuz of media like this, and cuz of reporters and columnists that are obsessing over this and commenters that feel like it's their duty to be a bully. If they are going to be picked on in the future it'll be b/c of ACTUAL THINKING INDVIDUAL HUMAN BEINGS who choose to be asshole bullies (and yes, THAT is a choice) and who choose to raise their kids as close minded asshole bullies. So if these ppl RLY care about bullying and bullied children and the future that this family might face, as they claim in the comments section, then guess what! THEY CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! DON'T BULLY and teach your kids not to be asshats and to accept variation! It's not that hard! >:O (and dun give me this kids will be kids bullshit, kids don't appear out of the womb w/ some innate idea of what's "normal" in 21st century culture of their nation or community)

I think what this family is doing is incredibly brave and incredibly thoughtful and caring towards their children, and I hope ppl eventually leave them alone (I can only imagine how many calls Toronto Children's Aid must have gotten in the past week) and let them just live their lives. I hope they know that not everybody judges them or hates them or thinks they're abusing their children, some of us (including my mom btw, so yeah even the parents of trans kids) think they are pretty awesome :)