Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"Where is Alyssa Bereznak Ami?"

Cuz this is rly making me go >_o ... An addendum (hopefully the first, only, and last one) to my last post:

Oh FFS can we stop apologizing for her!?

So on behalf of women everywhere, we Ladies of Nerdland would like to apologize to Jon Finkel for Alyssa's bad behavior. Hers is exactly the kind of behavior we despise, the kind that lives up to the mean girl stereotype. She probably won't have enough class to be ashamed of how shabbily she treated you, so we will be ashamed for her. And, also, of her.

e_e

Enuf... we don't have to answer for what ONE INDIVIDUAL WOMAN thinks/says... we don't apologize for Sarah Palin, or Susan Walsh do we? -_-;; This just feels so much like "I'm good! Not like her! We're not like that!" We shouldn't have to feel like we need to apologize for SOME ppl's confirmation biases >_<;;

As I said before, she didn't even make sweeping statements. She didn't claim to speak for all women... she didn't claim to be speaking for a group (like geek girls, or feminists, or girls w/ names that start w/ A >_> ) , she just was a jerk about her own opinion! >_< Scott Adams actually DID claim to speak for all men, and made sweeping gendered statements, and men don't need to apologize for him (and they SHOULD NOT, he speaks for him). -_-

And what RLY bugs me, outside of the "we're the GOOD geek girls! We swear!" thing, is that since we're speaking and apologizing for WOMEN now, when some bitter geek guy doesn't get a date, or can't get a date, or gets dumped, or w/e, they're gonna get mad at us... after all, WE said that women will date geek guys (which of course means them), WE said women love guys who play Magic!, WE said we were the good girls! -_-;;

After all, if we are responsible for her, we're responsible for EVERY WOMAN also >_<;; Do I have to apologize any time a woman dumps a guy for the "wrong" reasons? Are we going to be apologizing for Michele Bachmann?

There's only ONE thing she has in common w/ me... her gender. We're ALWAYS talking about how women aren't a monolith, we're ALWAYS talking about how women aren't responsible for what a golddigger does, or an "flaky" girlfriend, and that "women" aren't hypergamoous, or bad at math, or etc... And HOW can we even apologize for her, or our gender? -_-;; Can we take credit for things she does now too? If ppl wrong her, can they apologize to us?

so why are women, any of us, her keeper? o_O

Edit: Hey I agree w/ an MRA! xD

Kill_The_Rich 1 point 11 minutes ago
So on behalf of women everywhere, we Ladies of Nerdland would like to apologize to Jon Finkel for Alyssa's bad behavior. Hers is exactly the kind of behavior we despise, the kind that lives up to the mean girl stereotype. She probably won't have enough class to be ashamed of how shabbily she treated you, so we will be ashamed for her. And, also, of her.

Just because you're a woman, and some other woman did something wrong, it doesn't mean you have to apologize on behalf of all women. The original author is a mega-bitch (though that word may piss off the effete language-police in r/AMR, it fits)...but so what? You aren't her...as long as you don't act like her you have no reason to feel ashamed.

*thumbs up*

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Horrible DV Hair Ad is Horrible >:O

OH MY GOD (massive DV trigger warning)

Basically it's a hair salon ad where an obv abused woman (w/ a black eye and a guy standing behind her, just to hammer the msg home) is sitting on a couch w/ nice hair, and the msg says that the hair "looks good in all you do"...

WTF!?

WHAT THE FUCK!? >:O

No.. srsly... WHAT... THE... FUCK!?

Not fucking funny! >:\ And it's not "social commentary" like somebody said, since y'know... it's not a PSA, it's an ad for hair, and the msg is how the hair looks good even if you have been abused... which is obv v important >_>

Laird, 24, regarded the controversy as “definitely a demographic thing.”

“My age demographic looks at a picture and they don’t analyze. It’s a high-fashion photo shoot. I think that people our age are more understanding of what we are trying to portray.”


Um... NO.. I hate when ppl extrapolate their own opinions on their gender, or age, or race, or etc... >:| And yeah... it's not about ANALYZING.. it's pretty obv WHAT THAT AD IS SUPPOSED TO SHOW -_-;; it's just about that being in incredibly bad taste and offensive to many >:\ not about ANALYZING it too much or nething...

ugh.. just ugh -_- DV (of either gender, and yus, I hated those Superbowl ads too) is not a joke ppl >:\

So why does this Gizmodo person wipe me out of existence, and why do I need to apologize? o_O

So this Alyssa Bereznak person from Gizmodo went on a date w/ a world champion Magic player and decided to write a piece about how him being a world champion Magic player meant she couldn't date him cuz he's a loser or something -_-;;

I'm sure by now most ppl have heard of this cuz it's pretty much gone viral in the geekosphere, the feminisphere and the manosphere and whatever other spheres are out there (the spheresphere?) xD I rly can't add nething to it that hasn't alrdy been said since... yeah... it's incredibly judgemental and... POINTLESS xD Like, what was the point of sharing that you don't like Magic: The Gathering and apparently being a pro player turns you off and you feel the need to make fun of him online o_O I mean besides making yourself look bad (I know she tried to spin it into some sort of parable about human nature, but.. nice try xD ) and it being pretty clear you dislike Magic and seem to impute qualities on a person for their like of Magic xD

Also yeah, everybody alrdy knows I'm a huge Magic geek and I make my own cards b/c I'm awesome that way XD And I'm a comic geek, and sports geek, and video game geek and I own 40 plush penguins... >_> (no srsly, I do :D )

But this isn't rly about that... cuz honestly, it's all been said, and tweeted, and yeah.. WTF xD

The thing I dun get tho is why does she represent women?

Several of the responses I see (such this one by Skepchick or Elly Hart in Kotaku where she apologizes for our gender) seem to be worried that ppl think she's speaking for women, or represents all women, or are making women look bad. Which, in a way, I get, cuz some ppl have this stereotype of women as anti-geek superficial bags of mostly water. e_e;;

The thing is, I don't feel that way... like even when reading it, I never thought "omg, this makes us look bad" b/c she's not even claiming to write for women (she's kinda claiming some sort of human nature, but not female nature), she didn't say "guys, women just aren't into this geek crap"... she's just making HERSELF look bad >_<;; (tho TBF she did make a stupid "mothers should warn their daughters" joke which I'm sure she thought was v funny >_> actually I suspect she thought her whole piece was funny, except it came off as jerky and not funny )

I mean Scott Adams WAS making generalized statements about men and women, and guys don't feel the need to apologize for him or say "GIRLS WE ARE NOT ALL MISOGYNIST HATE BAGS!" There's plenty of asshats out there saying what men want and what women want, and I don't think they represent all men or all women... and even if SOME ppl have stereotypes of women that might be confirmed by her b/c of confirmation bias... I dun feel panicked by this, or "she's making women look bad".. no more than Scott Adams or Feminazi Poem Guy makes men look bad -_-;;;

As I said, she's not even claiming to speak for all women, and as far as I can tell, she didn't make sweeping statements about men and women... she just.... posted something that made her look rly superficial and... mean... on a geek blog... for reasons I'll prolly never understand... and she's pretty much introduced herself to the sphereosphere as... the big anti-Magic jerk of Gizmodo xD

But I just see how that makes HER look bad... I dun see how that makes WOMEN look bad, nor do I understand why I should even be worried it does o_O Or why I have to apologize for my gender.. I dun even think I CAN apologize for my gender just like I can't apologize or be an avatar for all trans ppl o_O (this is not me being defensive of women or nething, I just am confused by the immediate "OMG WE ARE NOT ALL SUPERFICIAL BITCHES", I would hope most men know that all the geeky women they know aren't wiped out just by this one person :3 )

All I see is that it's made a specific woman look bad... her -_- And made a specific woman look superficial and petty and anti-geek. xD And I'm going to criticize her (as I did above) for her mean anti-geek mocking... but I'm not gonna apologize for my gender or worry about how it makes women look bad... b/c... it doesn't... xD Just like Scott Adams or Feminazi Poem Guy doesn't make men look bad, just themselves.

And for the record, knowing stuff about Magic is a TURN ON for me...

now... golf on the other hand... >_>

((BREAKING NEWS: ALL WOMEN DO NOT HATE GOLF!!!!))

edit: Skepchick has an update on her blog about the Magic champ's side of the story, and it's pretty clear that he considers it a non-event and sees her article as her just not liking Magic. xD

Thursday, August 25, 2011

What the hell >:\ And no it's better even if it's only gay men and women doing it... and it's better even if you only do it to men >:\

Ppl take pictures of passengers on subway, put them on site and rate them

WTF, why is this okay w/ ppl!? >:| (I mean socially/ethically, not legally)

A number of similar social networking accounts and online galleries have sprung up. Some like @peopleonthetube focus on odd clothing and strange circumstances, while the now defunct @tube_chicks rated pictures of female passengers.

But @tubecrush decided not to ask for pictures of women as "we felt like men taking pictures of women on the tube feels different - it's not the same as gay men or women taking pictures of other men," said Mr Kaufman.

This is not okay either!! >:O

Why would it be more okay to take pictures of only men and judge them, or for only women or gay men to do it? >:\ Argh >:O That is not how equaling objectification works!? >:\

I don't think we should be posting pictures of strangers online and judging them if they don't give permission... and I think enuf ppl are alrdy paranoid about their appearance as is :\ (I know some of my friends in the UK who have body image issues are even more self-conscious now knowing ppl might be taking pictures and judging them online >:| )

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

They made a movie based on a board game!? o_O



O_O;; Hollywood is RLY running out of ideas... I'm rly amused by the fact that the alien ship shot pegs into the US ships tho xD I'm presuming a heavy fog rolls in soon, and they'll have to fire blindly... "A-5!" xD

Also apparently they are thinking of a movie based on Candy Land too o_O

ANNNNNNDDD It's gonna be like LOTR! o_O (I presume this is gonna be an animated kids thing that they're talking about.. but still)

Admit it. You think the Candy Land movie is one of the worst ideas in Hollywood history. A movie based on the children’s board game that itself seems specifically designed to numb the adult mind with its winding rainbow path past the domains of the nefarious Duke of Swirl and Lord Licorice and into King Kandy’s scrumptious kingdom. But what if the Cupcake Commons were, say, the Shire, and the Chocolate Mountains were Mordor? Because that’s what the Candy Land writers have in mind. Jonathan Aibel, who co-wrote Kung Fu Panda 2 with Glenn Berger, told EW at yesterday’s Hollywood premiere that they have ambitious plans: “We envision it as Lord of The Rings, but set in a world of candy.”
The Lord of the Rings. In a world of candy.

(Hmmm, land of candy.)

“We don’t see it as a movie based on a board game, although it has characters from that world and takes the idea of people finding themselves in a world that happens to be made entirely of candy where there are huge battles going on,” Berger says. “We are going for real comedy, real action, and real emotions at stake.”

-_-;;

Mind you, we alrdy have Rock Em Sock Em Robots: The Movie so why not? xD

I can't wait for the Hungry Hungry Hippos movie xD

(for the record, Real Steel looks terrible -_- The concept isn't bad, they're just playing it WAYYYYYY too srsly xD It should be fun... not The Fighter meets Transformers xD

This is total disgusting bulls- >:O

This is absolutely disgusting

A transgender woman in Philadelphia who has been spent the last 14 months incarcerated at Riverside Correctional Facility, the city's only prison for women, is now being moved to the men’s prison after she complained that a correction’s officer forced her to perform oral sex.

Prison officials apparently did not know that Jovanie Saldana, 23, is transgender. But, according to the Philadelphia Daily News, while examining her allegations of assault, investigators recorded Saldana's phone conversations and overheard the inmate's mother chiding Saldana into telling authorities the truth about her gender. After that, Saldana — who has been living and dressing as a female since she was 12 years old — was transferred to a men’s prison.

Saldana's cousin, who did not want to be identified, said that Saldana called and asked her to three-way-call Saldana's mother, who lives in New Jersey. Their conversations were in Spanish, she said, adding that after 14 months in the women's prison she believes Saldana was transferred primarily because of the accusation against the guard, not because of gender.

Saldana was charged with several felonies June 11, 2010, including armed robbery. Prison officials say Saldana, who has not had sex-reassignment surgery, should have undergone a cavity search during the initial intake into the prison system and after each subsequent outing for court appearances.

Astonishingly, Lorenzo North, president of the union representing corrections officers, claimed the goof proved that the officer whom Saldana accused of sexual abuse is innocent.

Pre-operative transgender prisoners like Saldana — those whose bodies may not match their actual gender presentation — almost always housed with prisoners of the opposite sex and are particularly vulnerable to abuse and assault.

Transgender women are more likely to end up in prison than virtually anyone else, says Tali Woodward of the San Francisco Bay Guardian. “The oft-quoted statistic about African-American men — that one in four has a history of incarceration — is dwarfed by the available stats on people who are male-to-female, or MTF,” Woodward says. A San Francisco Department of Public Health survey conducted in 1997 found that almost two thirds of MTF respondents had been incarcerated. More than 30% had spent some time behind bars during the preceding 12 months.

Most people agree that the high incarceration rate is due mainly to the difficulty trans people have finding and keeping work, Woodward says. Many turn to underground economies like “sex work, drug dealing, or other illegal forms of moneymaking — and, in the process, greatly increase their risk of arrest.”

WHAT THE FUCK! >:O So f-ing disgusting! >:O So she was sexually assaulted by a prison guard and they react by putting her in a men's prison!? >:O

And yeah I know that's the law for pre-op trans women, and don't get me started on the f-edupness of the law... but... it rly does seem like they are trying to bury her, or punish her for reporting >:O

Also wtf.. so b/c nobody knew she was trans it's proof she wasn't actually assaulted? -_- Why!? As far as I can tell the only logic they might be using is that if he had wanted to assault her, he'd have touched her genitals, and he'd have known (and like any other good cis straight man, panicked) cuz y'know what kind of man DOESN'T touch the genitals of women they're assaulting amirite? >:O (that's me being angry and snarky about narratives in our society about men and rapists, not saying this is true)

ARGH >:O

This is f-ing ridic and doubly disgusting cuz she was SEXUALLY ASSAULTED and then followed up w/ this BS >:O

RAWR >:O

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Maggie goes on a diet. Ami goes on a rant.

What. The. Hell.

This is a children's book meant for 6+ year olds called "Maggie Goes on a Diet" where a young girl is picked on b/c of her weight, and then loses the weight and becomes a soccer star. -_-;;

I love that this is from an author who wrote about bed wetting and bullying too... except I'm pretty sure his bullying book wasn't "capitulate to the bullies and try to fit in" (I hope it wasn't neways) but this is "ppl make fun of you cuz you're fat, so therefore go on a diet and lose it tubby". >:| Like... there's alrdy a problem w/ EDs in our culture for boys and girls, and so many unhealthy body images and food ideas being directed at ppl, and the obsession w/ the "obesity epidemic" in our kids that's putting even more pressure on ppl being thin... and now we've got kids books that are saying the same msg to girls that they get from everything else...

And dieting is a rly loaded issue in the context of our society :\ There's nothing wrong w/ "dieting" per se, but a lot of the times dieting as a narrative in our society isn't about changing your food to be more healthy, it's about being thin, it's about crash diets, it's about trying to cut back on how much you eat (as opposed to just changing what you eat), it's about counting calories, watching carbs, and often it's about putting your body in an unnatural place which is why once ppl get OFF diets, they rebound, b/c their body was being starved and so when you start eating normally again, the body starts hoarding fat and calories... :\ And that leads to yo-yo dieting, and it leads to rapid weight loss, then gain.

And yes, it can also lead to EDs, and rly, given all the msgs our society sends us about losing weight, dieting, controlling our eating, being "strong" against our desires for food, commercials where hunger is portrayed as a monster (there's a Weight Watchers commercial like this) or Special K commercials which encourage replacing all real food w/ their cereal... or the friends don't let their friends eat food ads or obsessing over celebrity weight gain or 100 calorie "guilt free" snacks (should we feel guilty about eating? o_O ), is it any surprise so many ppl decide "well if some is good, then more is better?" when it comes to losing weight, and if you're going to be hungry ANYWAYS, you might as well starve yourself and be in ultimate control.

Which is the other thing that plays into EDs that a lot of ppl miss... a lot of EDs are about control. And there's a lot of those msgs in our society too. Take control of your body, and take control of your life. :\ Things might be going horribly in your life, you might not be able to control that, but you can control your body. You can control how others view you. You can prove that you have the control, you can master the hunger reflex, you can master the pain of not eating, of over-exercise. And a lot of the narratives in our society about weight and eating is about that. Fat ppl are lazy, they're sloth, and gluttony. They have no self-control, they have no will. They're weak. They don't care about themselves. (How many times have we heard a guy justify not wanting to date a fat woman by saying "I want a woman who takes care of herself?" It's ironic cuz when I was thinnest was prolly when I was taking the LEAST care of myself xD ) So if you diet, you're strong, you're fighting sin and temptation. You're in control.

Esp for girls and girls approaching puberty, the push to stay thin can be rly strong, and that's why this book being targeted them is doubly scary to me, b/c this is an age where a lot of girls bodies are changing, and often in ways that don't fit into society's beauty standard (or they fit into specific ones, and then they get harassment, or insulted b/c of large breasts, or big hips, or etc) which is actually v close to a pre-pubescent body... it's thin hips, thin thighs, etc etc... and that's part of why so many EDs manifest during this period of time for girls... b/c it's a way to try to get control when your body feels out of control, when things are changing, and when society says that curves, or TOO MUCH curves is bad... bad bad bad... (I've written before about msgs of post-pubescent female bodies being just stretched out pre-pubescent female bodies in our society).

This is the context, the book doesn't exist in a vacuum... and it's sending similar msgs... your body is bad... take control... CHANGE it...

and love yourself.

That's the thing about this WHOLE thing that bugs me SO MUCH. >_< The idea that only if you're thin can you love yourself, and you'll love yourself when you finally get control.
"Maggie is accepting that kids are mean and kids can be mean and she has decided to do something about it, to take things in her own hands, try to change her own life, try to make herself healthy by exercising. She does want to look better. She does want to feel better and she does not want to be teased," Kramer said.

Apparently, in this case, it's on the case of the bullied to change. I wonder if it's b/c we think that being fat is alrdy unhealthy, and bad, so it's okay if we put the onus on them to change. Sure kids are mean... but don't you want to look and feel better?

Kramer knows that using the word "diet" in the book's title can be risky.

"If I entitled the book 'Maggie Eats Healthy,' somebody in a bookstore ... is really not going to identify with someone who has been overweight, who has health problems," Kramer said. "Diet is a kind of a misconstrued word, and it has many, many meanings."

Basically... he's playing into how loaded a word "diet" is alrdy, and the fat-shaming that alrdy goes on in our society, and the pressures on dieting. Honestly, I'm wondering who his audience even is. Cuz this is the type of book that it seems like he wants PARENTS to buy, and it rly feels to me like he is hoping for parents who want their child to lose weight to pick it up and hope that it'll make their little girl or boy (there's also a lot of pressure on boys to not be fat too, and there is a lot of bullying directed at fat boys, and EDs are on the rise in boys) lose weight and maybe shame/"encourage" them to... and that's rly scary to me.

From here:

The book, entitled "Maggie Goes on a Diet," tells the story of teenaged Maggie and how her life is "transformed" after she goes on a diet, starts exercising and loses weight.

According to a description of the book at Amazon.com, Maggie "is transformed from being extremely overweight and insecure to a normal sized girl who becomes the school soccer star. Through time, exercise and hard work, Maggie becomes more and more confident and develops a positive self image."

It's rly scary to me that "confidence" and "positive self image" is being conflated w/ making yourself thinner, exercise and dieting. :\ It's not that getting healthy CAN'T give you a positive self image. If exercising and stuff is something you want to do, then accomplishing it CAN make you feel better about yourself, but if you're doing it b/c you hope that being thin will make you feel better... it won't. (In fact if you're starving yourself, you'll feel worse, b/c your mood is affected by your bodies lack of energy, I know this from first hand exp) And if your self-esteem is dependent on how thin others see you, or trying to be thin to fit in, or be pretty or etc... then often no amount of thin will ever be enough... :\

Ultimately, what this author is peddling is snake oil. Sending the idea to children and their parents, that all the kid's problem will go away if they just get thin, if they get thin, and pretty and become socially acceptable, and they'll feel better, ppl will stop bullying them, and things are great! And that's rly dangerous, not just b/c it gets it back asswards about feeling good and confident about your body, but also, it's targeting ppl at an age where their bodies are still developing, where their bodies need food and energy to grow, where kids are alrdy at high risk of EDs, and where society is alrdy sending negative msgs about certain types of bodies and dieting and etc... and this children's book is only playing into that and reinforcing that w/ a stick (if you don't diet you'll be bullied) and carrot (if you do diet, you'll be popular and feel good). And AUGH >_<

The OTHER thing? A lot of ppl won't ever be societally thin. And a lot of ppl can't STAY there b/c it's unhealthy and unnatural for their body :\ And this book is sending the msgs to children that EVERYBODY can (to be fair, a LOT of things send this msg)... and what happens w/ the kid who can't? Who no matter how much they starve, or work out... they're never going to have a size change that Maggie in the book has? Or become a soccer star? Since the msg of the book is hard work, then they must have not worked hard enough. They're a failure. And they have to work harder... or they should feel bad about themselves that they're just not good enough. :\

And that for me is the biggest problem I have w/ diet culture, the obesity epidemic crap, and msgs like the one in this book, that thinness (and societally accept thinness) is just about hard work, and "taking care" of yourself, and that thinness is equated to health, and if you're NOT thin, then you're lazy, you're not working hard enough, and you MUST be unhealthy. And it has nothing to do with body type or genetics, or culture... it has to do with YOU, and YOU better work harder, and YOU better starve yourself more, and YOU better push your body more.

If Maggie can do it. So can you.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Ami is officially sexy XD



That's from my friend Ashley, after I bugged her a million times to vlog about how smexy I was xD

You cannot deny my smexiness! >:3

(also subscribe to her vlog! >:O Cuz she is awesome! And you never know when Ami will show up again! :D )

Monday, August 15, 2011

Ami's friend needs help. Please donate if you can.

Okay, I have a friend, who is a comics blogger and I think needs to remain anonymous. She is a single mother, and a victim of domestic violence. She's escaped her husband with her daughter, but she desperately needs to see a dentist and probably dental work (b/c of her husbands physical abuse) and has needed it for quite a while but she can't afford it :\ She's in constant pain now b/c of her teeth, and I am really really worried for her and worried about permanent damage as well. The pain is so much she is having trouble functioning. I rly am scared for her and want to help her. So this is me trying to do something.






Please. If you can spare it, donate something. Unfortunately, I don't really have any skills like drawing or nething that I can use to give commissions or something. But if nebody WANTS to help out by drawing commissions, that would be very much appreciated. :]

But regardless. I'm really really worried about her, and she's a really amazing person and if nebody can spare nething, even a few dollars, every little bit will help and hopefully, add up. :) I know her very well, so this is not a scam, this is legit.

Whatever you can donate, please help out. :) Nething would be appreciated.

I'm sorry to be imposing on my readers like this, but I don't know what else to do. (And we already have found government subsidized help in her state, but it's still out of reach for her to afford)

Spread this around also if you want to. And thank you so much!

Ami

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Hey! A Nice Guy (tm) compares his plight to that of the holocaust! How charming v_v

This is the grossest thing evar (the quoted stuff, not the tumblr account)

When the Feminists came for the Rapists,
I remained silent;
I was not a Rapist.

When they locked up the stalkers,
I remained silent;
I was not a stalker.

When they came for the Players,
I did not speak out;
I was not a Player.

When they came for the men who they got bored of,
I remained silent;
I wasn’t a some one they were bored of yet.

When they came for me, the nice guy,
there was no one left to speak out.


Came from this whiny "nice guy"

He's such a nice guy he just took a poem about the holocaust and turned it all into some whine about the poor plight of Nice Guys(tm) e_e (his tumblr thing also calls us "femiNAZI"s a lot (his caps, not mine) >_<;;

Charming.

I think EVERY guy should be offended that he thinks being a rapist and a nice guy are just two ends of a spectrum >:| WTF

And you do know that ppl being against RAPE is b/c rape is BAD? Not b/c rapists are some poor beset upon ethnic group or something >:\ Rapists HARM OTHERS by being rapists. Jewish ppl, Romani, gay people, etc... do NOT >:|

He makes it sound like we just target rapists for fun! And after we're done w/ them we'll move on -_-

Those POOR POOR OPPRESSED RAPISTS! >_>;;

And yeah apparently boring guys and nice guys are lumped in w/ stalkers and rapists in his mind o_O I think this says more about how he thinks than how feminists think e_e

I just want to roll my eyes forever e_e

Monday, August 08, 2011

It's easy to say you'll die to prevent rape, will you live to prevent rape?

This post comes from a comment I left on Manboobz in response to somebody who was victim blaming but then said "I would risk my life to save a woman from rape." I've actually heard this a lot... "I'd die to stop a rapist", "If I saw rape happening I'd fight to the death to save her".. or even in other issues "I would risk my life to stop homophobia if I saw it.." etc etc... and it's almost always from somebody who is either being problematic, or about to... and this is a response to that.

Dear people who would "risk their lives to stop rapists" but have no problem victim blaming:

Yes, yes, I get it. You'd fight off a knife-wielding rapist at the cost of your own life to save a single lone, innocent, virginal victim. You'd chase them down a busy freeway. You'd take a knife blow to the belly. You'd fight them to the ends of the earth.

I get it.

The funny thing about that, is it’s always rly easy to make some hypothetical claim that you’d lay down your life to fight off some evil rapist with 1000 knives to save a woman… like THAT’S easy… it’s like it’s easy to say “I would die for my country!” in a hypothetical but will you live for it? Will you actually do things to help the ppl who live there? Will you volunteer? Protest? Raise money?

It’s easy to say that if you saw some woman being raped on the street, you’d of COURSE step in, it’s easy to say you’d tackle a child rapist off a cliff if you had to. That’s easy to say, and it’s easy to just shrug your shoulders and then say “well I’ve done my part to fight rape because If I ever saw it I’d..” except that it’s so much more than that. If you don’t believe survivors, then you’ll never see them. If you believe men can’t help themselves based on how women dress and that the woman is asking for it, or that boys should be lucky to have sex with an older woman, then you’ll see those encounters as being consensual. And if you believe the sexual history, or clothing choice of a woman matters to whether she "deserved it", or that a guy can't be raped because men always want sex, you'll never see them as victims. You'll never stop rape because you'll never "see" it.

But more than that… the truth is, most of the time, we’re not going to be around to see rape happen. We won’t be in the apartment, we won’t be in the house, we won’t be in the hotel room, or yes, even the dark alleyway. So it’s all well and good to say we’d stop it. But most of the time… we’re not there… probably almost all of the time… it’s about what we do the REST of the time. Do we victim blame? Do we spread rape myths? Do we notice when a friend of ours talks about wanting to “take advantage”of a drunk person (male or female)? Do we laugh when a male friend talks about being raped by a woman, and go “you were lucky man?” Do we tell a child to stop making up stories if they tell us they've been assaulted? Do we shrug our shoulders at prison rape or other injustices to prisoners cuz “well they’re bad people, they ask for it”? Do we ask female survivors what they were wearing if they say they've been raped, or why they were out alone? Do we ask survivors why they didn't run or fight? Do we make jokes and make light of rape victims, male and female, so our friends don’t feel they can come to us if they HAVE been assaulted? Do we volunteer at a rape crisis centre? Or donate? Or try to help in any way we can (like my safe space project) Do we write against rape and rape culture, or create safe spaces for survivors? Or even just be a shoulder to lean on?

It’s not what we WOULD do about a hypothetical scenario where we stumble upon an armed rapist… it’s about what we’re doing with our lives NOW, and what we do and say in our day to day lives to help fight rape, to help fight rape culture. :]

That’s what rly matters. It’s easy to say you’ll die to fight rape. Will you live to fight rape?