Nobody has the right to tell an abuse survivor what they should have done, or hold them responsible for the actions of their abuser

F U Pat Hickey

In an article that appeared in the Gazette and other newspapers Tuesday, Pat Hickey called out Fleury for saying Canada’s justice system didn’t do enough to keep James behind bars. Fleury cited James’ pardon after being convicted of sexual assault in 1997 against three players, including another former National Hockey League player, Sheldon Kennedy. James was sentenced to 3 1/2 years in prison and given a pardon in 2007.

But Hickey wrote in his column that Fleury only went public with his allegations against James more than a decade later in his autobiography, Playing With Fire.

Hickey said it was “hypocritical that Fleury can blast the justice system for giving James two months of freedom when he provided his former coach with years.”

A website for Fleury posted a statement — under the headline “This is why no one comes forward” — that called on the public to “demand” from the Gazette that “Pat Hickey be fired immediately.”

“We find it very distressing to hear anyone, much less a columnist for a major newspaper, take the side of a known convicted rapist by calling Theo Fleury an enabler,” said the statement.

Hickey used the term “enabler” when recounting how Fleury was a business partner of James — Fleury was a co-owner of the junior hockey team the Calgary Hitmen while James was coach — when Kennedy’s allegations became public.

“Here was someone who had suffered abuse at the hands of Graham James,” Hickey wrote. “Here was someone who knew that James had abused other players. Here was someone who was exposing other children to the same sexual predator.

“Fleury has been through enough counselling to know there’s a word for someone who acts in this fashion — enabler.”

Fleury is right. This type of finger-pointing, holding victims responsible for their abuser is one of the things that keeps abuse victims (or rape victims) from wanting to come forward, especially if time has passed, because then people question why you didn't, call you a coward, etc, etc... If you continue associating with your abuser or rapist (which HAPPENS, especially if the survivor is in denial, or was a child when it happened, and/or the abuser is a friend, family member, community icon, etc etc) then that's held against you too.

This is absolutely bullshit.

I can give a billion reasons to explain or speculate about why Theoren Fleury didn't come forward earlier, but I don't think it's respectful to speculate on the thought process of an abuse survivor. I think most people reading this already know the many many many reasons why survivors don't come forward (if you don't, there's plenty of sites you can google that will tell you why) or continue to associate with their abuser, especially if they were abused/raped as a child.

It's absolutely disgusting that Hickey would hold Fleury responsible for the crimes of his rapist. I absolutely HATE this type of victim blaming because it's SO unfair, and I see it used a lot by people who have no interest in actually helping victims as much as they want to dismiss the "victimhood" of a survivor. This comes up a lot with rape apologists too, when they say that if a rape survivor is afraid of going to the police (or afraid of coming forward because of victim blaming, or not being believed, or being accused of lying, or being ostracized from the community, etc) then he, she or zie are responsible for future victims of the rapist. No, the RAPIST is responsible for that. It is not for nebody else to judge what the mindset of a rape/abuse survivor SHOULD be, or what they SHOULD have done, or how they SHOULD react, because everybody deals with trauma differently, and everybody has their own fears and concerns and it's not on us to say "just suck it up" to somebody who is the ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD who has to deal w/ the trauma and understands how hard it is.

This is why I HATE narrative of "courage" about these things in the mainstream consciousness. While I DO think telling your story, or coming forward is incredibly difficult, and can take incredible strength, or courage, the problem is our societal narratives LOVE having either/or black or white scenarios... which means that if somebody who comes forward is STRONG, then somebody who doesn't is WEAK. -_- And obviously, that what they're both dealing with must be EXACTLY the same, and therefore we can make objective, quantitative value judgements, because that's the kind of simple, cut and dried equation we like dealing with in our lives.

Except rape, abuse, and PTSD is NOT simple, or cut and dried, and how a survivor reacts to that, or lives with it, or how long it takes for them to heal, or how scared they are, whether they come forward, etc is NOT for anybody to judge and it is NOT right for ANYBODY to be finger pointing and placing blame for what the RAPIST/ABUSER did on the survivor.

Period. End of story.

Pat Hickey should be ashamed of himself, and he should either apologize or his employers should fire him. This type of victim blaming is absolutely unacceptable.