Monday, September 21, 2009

Dear crossword ppl who I know are way smarter than me...

It always amuses me when ppl act like "thar be dragons" when it comes to video games and comics and the like, and I was reminded me of that attitude when doing the crossword in the free newspaper I get on the subway (which I do every day) today. These are the ppl who go out of their way to find rare or anachronistic spellings of words, who get the most obscure references, phrases or facts for clues and..

um... crossword ppl? hi.. stupid Ami here.. I know I'm prolly not as smart as you and everything.. but...

"Creator of Mortal Kombat"

Midway doesn't fit in those 4 letters...

did you mean Boon? Except I don't remember Oail Devers being a famous sprinter...

oh.. it's SEGA!

I see...

wait...

wtf!?

i love how whoever came up with this puzzle didn't even CARE to rly check this, even tho they seem to do so with EVERYTHING ELSE, but, y'kjnow this is VIDE-AH GAH-MS! And I'm sure they just thought back to the kerfuffle with the fatalities in the Nintendo home release and thought, gee, that must mean Sega made the game... or mayeb I'm just given them too much credit...

or it could just be the only video game name/word they know.. this is the 2nd time in about a week that they've had "Sega" as the answer to a video game related clue >_>

I'm just.. rly amused... I got Sega cuz I had no faith in them to get it right when I realized "Midway" wasn't going to fit xD

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Why Carrie Fisher is Awesome (reason #216459)

This. This is why she is f-ing awesome. xD

Weight AND Wisdom!
By Carrie • Sep 6th, 2009 • Category: News

I thought that I’d forgotten one of the things I was thinking of writing about, but now I remember………at least I think I do…… One thing is that I foolishly Googled myself last nite—–because the Enquirer has been trying to get me to confirm some asinine thing I said as a bad joke AGES ago, & I wanted to see if had shown up somewhere—- which it hadn’t—– until now, when I stupidly call attention to this non event here——- ANYWAY—–in the process of searching, I found that someone had posted that I USED to be hot, but that now I looked like Elton John. As much as I attempted to place myself above the reach of this observation……

I must admit that…..yup……. This ended up hurting my feelings—–all 7 of them.

You see, I was hot when most people are hot—- in my fucking 20’s & part of my 30’s……THEN, in an effort to imitate humans, I had a child &, to further maintain my life like disguise, I took medications for about 9 thousand years, &, despite all my efforts, I continued to get older & older——inadvertently, I assure you———-I tried to arrest my development physically as WELL as emotionally, but unfortunately without as much success. I also must confess that I ate food. I’m sorry….. I realize that I promised never to eat anything but lettuce & sun flower seeds, but tragically, I was unable to keep my promise.

Yes, I realize…..I KNOW that I vowed to exercise for 3 hours a day—-aerobics, pilates AND yoga, but alas, I admit with a large quota of shame, that I failed to fulfill this other important commitment.
NO, I shouldn’t look as if 30 years have passed. I understand completely if you can’t find it in your heart to forgive me for looking like 3 decades have passed…….Of COURSE you should mock & belittle me for being so large!! What else could you POSSIBLY do?????!? I’ve let you down by treating my body as though it were just some giant sad sack that I use to haul my personality around. You have every right to compare me to Yoda or Elton or Kirstie…….I’ve brought it on myself.

But here’s this thing that I found myself wondering………what the fuck do YOU look like??!

I know i don’t really have the right to ask……I’m a public figure——Ive made an unspoken contract to keep that figure slim…….but still, I find myself wondering…….See, I think the folks that insult & mock celebrities who DARE to pack on ten pounds or—–God forbid——MORE than ten!…..I would think it only fair that they post a photo of themselves along with their poisonous observations! And you know what else would be SUPER cool??? Their IQ! ALL the numbers! An approximate count of Weight AND wisdom!

And as a teeny aside—–my show on Broadway is not about my appearance. Oh sure, I’m killing myself trying to lose weight before I open so I won’t offend any theater goers eyes while attempting to entertain them via their ears…… But just in case I don’t achieve my goal of keeping my promise to look 25 & instead manage to remind you of bulbous slugs or gay, iconic musicians……..
I’d like to take this opportunity to offer this quasi poignant explanation & to say to those of you I’ve visually offended…… from the bottom of my heart encased in fat——-

BLOW MY BIG BOVINE tiny dancer COCK!

We now return to our regular programing……
XxOoCf


I <3 her so hard.

Monday, September 14, 2009

So awesome, have to share.

This is awesome

Kat reposted a nice piece about true rape prevention, which reminded me of this little list I whipped up a few months ago. As I just did a college RA training yesterday, re-reading this made me laugh. I mean seriously, the “tips” they give potential victims are so condescending. It’s fun to turn the tables.

Sexual Assault Prevention Tips Guaranteed to Work!

1. Don’t put drugs in people’s drinks in order to control their behavior.

2. When you see someone walking by themselves, leave them alone!

3. If you pull over to help someone with car problems, remember not to assault them!

4. NEVER open an unlocked door or window uninvited.

5. If you are in an elevator and someone else gets in, DON’T ASSAULT THEM!

6. Remember, people go to laundry to do their laundry, do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

7. USE THE BUDDY SYSTEM! If you are not able to stop yourself from assaulting people, ask a friend to stay with you while you are in public.

8. Always be honest with people! Don’t pretend to be a caring friend in order to gain the trust of someone you want to assault. Consider telling them you plan to assault them. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the other person may take that as a sign that you do not plan to rape them.

9. Don’t forget: you can’t have sex with someone unless they are awake!

10. Carry a whistle! If you are worried you might assault someone “on accident” you can hand it to the person you are with, so they can blow it if you do.

And, ALWAYS REMEMBER: if you didn’t ask permission and then respect the answer the first time, you are commiting a crime- no matter how “into it” others appear to be.


So f-ing awesome. And refreshing >:]

Thursday, September 10, 2009

My 666th post is a quiz o_o;;;

I guess this isn't bad >.>;; I should have studied harder for the Love finals tho...

YOUR REPORT CARD:
CategoryGrade
LoveC
Friends and FamilyB
BodyA+
MindA
Finance / CareerA+
Your Life's Average Grade: A

WORST. F-ING. SPORTS. COLUMN. EVAR! >:O

OH MY FUCKING GOD

This is a sports column by some guy who's trying to be "funny" and writing about all the stuff in sports that Jaycee Dugard, the girl who was kidnapped and abused and raped for 18 years missed during those 18 years.

It doesn't sound as if Jaycee Dugard got to see a sports page.

Box scores were not available to her from June 10, 1991 until Aug. 31 of this year.

She never saw a highlight. Never got to the ballpark for Beach Towel Night. Probably hasn't high-fived in a while.

She was not allowed to spike a volleyball. Or pitch a softball. Or smack a forehand down the line. Or run in a 5-footer for double bogey.

Now, that's deprivation.

Can you imagine? Dugard was 11 when she was kidnapped and stashed in Phillip Garrido's backyard. She was 29 when she escaped. Penitentiary inmates at least get an hour of TV a day. Dugard was cut off from everything but the elements.

How long before she fully digests the world she re-enters? How difficult to adjust to such cataclysmic change?

More than that, who's going to explain the fact that there's a President Obama?

Dugard's stepfather says she's going to need a lot of therapy — you think? — so perhaps she should take a respite before confronting the new realities.

So, Jaycee, whenever you're ready, here's what you've missed:


I love how he also ignores everything that happened to her (cuz that would ruin the light heartedness I guess >:O ) and just says "kidnapped and stashed" >.<

WTF WTF WTF

this is the most insensitive disgusting offensive attempt at humour I've seen in a long time, what editor thought THIS POS was a good idea!? and who thought he'd be a good columnist... why is he still employed? How the hell does NEBODY read about what that asshole did to her in the news and think "this would be a good jumping off point to do a hilarious sports column! I'm brilliant!" >:O

I love his defense/apology too, which is just basically that he thought he understood his readership and didn't and he's sorry he broke the "bond" he had with his readership... as if the most important thing right now is that ppl who liked him don't now.

GARGHEJSGDJFHGSDF

Saturday, September 05, 2009

wth Microsoft O_O;;;

wth? o_O

Apparently having an Asian man, a black man and a white woman in an ad with nary a white man to be seen is problematic for Microsoft, at least when advertising in Poland. >.>;;; Tho it's okay if we have a white man with a black hand >_>;; As long as his head is white! xD



O_O;; (Image from somethingawful.com, which also gave us this week's photoshop phriday based on that ad xD)